I just finished reading Spoiled by the Fug Girls (www.gofugyourself.com). It has a slow clap and a character named Arugula. Impressive.

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So. I am on day 16 of a no shopping commitment of one month. Who did I make that commitment to, you ask? MYSELF. Why? I must have been very drunk.

When it comes to things like this I’m surprisingly stubborn. I’ll see this month through. I will. And then I’m going to buy: a light knit summer sweater, bell bottom jeans, a statement necklace, Strawberry Shortcake body wash from Cake Beauty and platforms. All in one fell swoop. I get shivery just thinking about it. Shivery in that delicious kind of shivery way.

Also, my smoothie tastes like pickles.

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So, we all know about Chanel and Louis Vuitton and Balenciaga and lust after it and most of us can’t afford any of it.

I just spent my lunch half hour leafing through a Flare. As always, I skipped most of the magazine and headed straight for the fall fashion pages. They should be called Fall Fashion for the Queen and Oprah because they are the only women whole could realistically afford any of the pieces declared “Fall’s Must Haves!”

Where, I ask, are the magazines that will tell me about the stellar deals at The Gap or The Banana Republic or, if I’m really feeling like splashing out, Top Shop?

If only I weren’t quite so lazy I’d attempt to break out and fill this niche in the market. Instead I’ll stuff the rest of my sandwich in my purse and take it home for dinner.

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I am a diehard online shopper. It’s an art and I’ve been perfecting it for years. I know where to go for discount designer clothing, purses, shoes, makeup, jewelry, bedding, furniture, gifts, body products and anything else that a girl might need.

A strange thing happens to me though when I let anyone in on my secret finds. I’m happy to share at first but then I find I am overcome with jealousy if they actually buy anything. I feel like I should get credit somehow… like they should have to wear a sign around their neck that says “poutine and prada helped me find this outfit!”

Perhaps I should go into busniess, people could tell me what they’re looking for and I could track it down. I could give out sleek silver business cards.

I would enjoy that.

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